o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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