why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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