i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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