It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
