Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
