all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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