Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
