just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
