My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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