apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
