who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He felt like a one man threesome
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
