Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
