dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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