I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
