Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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