I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize