pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
