onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Alive.
So much puke
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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