I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
