New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
