my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
