would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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