I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
