Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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