weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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