hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
A+ Viking dick
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize