I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
