remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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