OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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