I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
