Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
