I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
