look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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