i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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