So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
