don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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