His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Acid is not a monday night drug
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
