Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Please don't give away my fajitas
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