what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
