you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
