so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
