I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize