I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
