I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize