That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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