i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
