i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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