he thought i was a dude.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
