Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
A+ Viking dick
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
