he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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