i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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