Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
3 2 1 whiskey
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
