We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
