he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I could make wine with my vomit
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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