I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
