you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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