She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
