I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm passing your future prison.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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