sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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