Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
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