Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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