i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
