I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
