He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Im just a social blackout drinker.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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