Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
