just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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