I showed him my bush... on skype.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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