It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
