I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
