Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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