I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
