I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
