Porn is love you can see.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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