i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize