i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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