i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
