the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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