Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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