Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
His nipple licking is glorious
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