I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
