Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
