i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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