YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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