is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
