Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
