i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
