Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
