I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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