I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
