I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
