i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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