Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
