yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Randomize