Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
