Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
