My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
