i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
