What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
my being single is dangerous.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
