She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
