I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
